Taste the Rainbow
by Jinsei no Akki
Summary: What if Fuji kidnaps people? Shishido is homeless? Akaya is addicted to TTR? Come inside the pot at the end of the rainbow where instead of gold you'll find oneshots. AHH someone kill me now.
1. Ticklemedoughface

**Information **

RIKKAI

Pain.

Vicious dogs.

High School.

Cuss.

* * *

><p>Akaya was a patient big boy. Not. He was getting frustrated waiting for his seniors to meet him at the park. Seriously Marui can dye his hair using roses or poodles or whatever crap he puts in it. His dog was nudging his leg desperate for a run, with all the other canines.<p>

"Soon my boy, once the two jackasses come."

"That is so what she said." An old man spoke snickering. Oh wait no it was Niou.

"Oh I'm sorry I wasn't listening over the shockingly white that is your hair." Akaya growled. Where's dickwad number 3?"

Niou looked confused. "Who's number 1?"

"Sanada-senpai. He bitch slaps me like hell dude." Akaya shuddered.

"Oh he went somewhere. He'll be here in a minute." Niou reached down to stroke Akaya's dog.

Ticklemedoughface purred in return. "Your dog is fucking A kid, he has the most sharpest teeth ever know to man alive but he is fucking faggy, where's the sense in that?"

Akaya kicked the bleached man in return. "Shut the fuck up. Tickle ain't a fag like you."

Niou patronizingly made hurt noises. "Ooh ouch. Boy that was a good one (!) I actually felt some pain."

At that point Marui came popping up sucking on a GobSmacker. "Hey hosers."

Akaya subtly let go of Ticklemedoughface's leash and unleashed the vicious dog on the guy that was once known as Marui now known as dog (dead) meat.

Marui screamed and ran into the park hightailed by Tickle. A couple of heads turned as he streaked past shouting curses at a black curly haired boy who was smirking in glee.

"Whoops. Now that was a complete accident." Akaya deadpanned making the face of a devil eyes like light-year lasers, ready to kill the man who was Darth Vader. He jogged to catch up with his dog, picking up a few flowers (Tickle loved those.) and jogged on.

Niou let a smirk don his oh-so-hot face and walked behind the boy, getting a first class view of a first class ass.

"Your dog fucking bit me. He fucking chased me all the way down the park and then he bit me. On my thigh." Marui fumed like a PMS-ing bitch.

"I know."

"You gave him a lollipop for it. Why don't you get him a 'Well done' badge too (?)" The boy who was bitten by Ticklemedoughface thundered on.

Akaya contemplated on the idea and decided against it, Tickle would probably gnaw it to pieces. "I won't let that happen again. Not for a few days anyways." He muttered the last part to himself.

"I don't trust a man with curly hair. I can't help but picture little birds laying sulfurous eggs in there, and it disgusts me."

Ignoring the about to dead man, Akaya continued on. "Tickle's probably hungry, let's go back to mine."

"Was my thigh not enough for him?" Marui sarcastically exploded. "Does he need my arm as well?"

Niou smacked the rosette on the back and skillfully dodged the slap back. "Just do what the brat says. Otherwise you're a dead dog walking."

"Oh, haha(!) Pigs can fly too yes?"

After a long walk and bicker the trio finally arrived at their destination. Akaya after a long searching for his keys and finding out that he had forgotten them climbed in through his bedroom window. It was extremely lucky that no one called the cops either because they would have looked like they were breaking in someone's house.

"Come in. Please hesitate to treat this as your own home. Don't sit down, don't touch anything, don't break anything, don't get into a fight unless it's outside and I'm watching with popcorn, and stop breathing in my air." Akaya ranted on whilst he was getting a snack for himself and Tickle.

Niou and Marui both looked at each other in disbelief, when the door bell rang. They both walked over to answer the door.

"Hello this is Marui and Niou answering for Kirihara Akaya he is being eaten by a giant pig right now so he is unavailable. Sorry come back again next year?" Niou supplied him with the right information.

"Get out of the doorway skeezers. What the fuck do you want?" The man who was possibly getting eaten by a giant pig pushed the duo out of the way.

"We were just asking if you could so kindly buy some cookies from us." A bunch of preteen boys chimed.

"All I want is just one day a year when I'm not visually assaulted by uglies and fatties." Akaya prayed to himself. "Release the hounds."

"Yes sir." Mr Smither- Niou replied.

They had never seen a bunch of fat preteens run that fast before. Akaya slammed the door shut and went back in the house followed by Miou and Marui and found his dog eating some sort of yogurt maybe?

"What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole… wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? Hell, I'm not even mad; that's amazing. Aren't you just adorable?" Akaya cooed rubbing the dog's ears affectionately.

"I swear you love that dog more than me sometimes." Niou frowned.

"I do. Dickweed. Hell, I love Teletubbies more and I fucking hate Teletubbies, a bunch of faggy balls of fat running about with purple purses."  
>"That really hurts me Akaya, really."<p>

"Really? As much as having the dog from doom bite you in the fucking ass?" Marui cried.

"I thought it was the thigh?" Akaya thought.

"It was both."

A loud ringing noise was heard form the living room. Akaya walked over to it and pressed speaker phone.

"KIRIHARA AKAYA! GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY!" His sister shouted down the phone.

"I haven't got any." He rolled his eyes. Half expecting his sister could see the gesture.

"I'M NOT FUCKING JOKING, GET SOME MONEY AND GIMME."

"I DON'T KNOW HOW HOSER!" The black haired guy was a very short tempered person.

"SELL ONE OF YOUR PRECIOUS VIDEO GAMES. PAWN YOUR LIVER I DON'T KNOW." Like sister like brother.

"What? Would you tell Picasso to sell his video games?"

Marui sweat dropped. "Oh my god, he's an idiot." Niou nodded in agreement. The fight was turning out to be quote humorous though.

"YOU BETTER GET THAT MONEY STAT OTHERWISE THERE WILL BE A FUNNY LITTLE FOOTNOTE ON MY EPIC ASS!" There was a phone slamming sound and then a childish chocking noise made by Akaya.

"Ooh, score you told her all right." Niou snorted.

"I'm sorry but I couldn't hear you over how much product you use in your hair, it could season a wok." Akaya retorted. "And you Marui, I thought I smelled cookies from the tears of elves weeping that live in your hair."

Niou tackled him to the ground in a very compromising position whilst trying to steal his phone from his pocket, his 2nd most prized possession after Ticklemedoughface Niou was about 3rd. Akaya pushed Niou off him stood up brushed himself off tried to grab the phone out of Niou's hands.

"You touch me and consider the phone smashed." Niou threatened.

"I just lost my train of thought because you have so much margarine in your hair." Akaya insulted.

Niou made a throwing movement and glared at the junior.

"Do it Niou! You'll be eaten to death by the dog but it's gonna be worth it."

" I spent large segments of each day picturing you choking on food, and I recently contacted an exotic animal dealer because I had a very satisfying dream that I once shoved your face into one of those pink-inflamed monkey butts. Now shut the fuck up." Akaya growled with a low voice. "Your hair looks like a briar patch. I keep expecting racist, animated Disney characters to pop up and start singing about sick romance."

"Stop with the hair jokes." Niou rolled his eyes.

"Tickle I'm going to give you a ten gallon ton of gummi bears if you bite his danglers off." Akaya called to his skilled dog.  
>"I won't smash your phone into tiny lickle pieces if, you stop with the oh-so-funny jokes and we be your masters for a month." Niou compromised. Ticklemedoughface's teeth were chainsaw sharp and twice as destructive.<p>

"I'll let you go off free, if you give me back my phone." Akaya stood by his point. "And shave that Chia pet off your head." As an afterthought he said.

"That's it." Niou brought his hand up (in slow motion) and brought it back down to earth in a single handedly crunching moment.

There was a loud cracking sound. Niou looked up and saw Akaya cracking his knuckles and the dog from Hell with the phone in his mouth.

"You are going to feel the pain so hard, I am going to maim the rats living in the grease that is you hair. And yes once again I am making fun out of your hair."

"Tickle remember to preserve the heart, it could sell for some money."

And all Hell broke loose.

* * *

><p>This was better (in my opinion) than the first two chapters.<p>

I don't own any Glee quotes.

Review otherwise I'll send Ticklemedoughface on you. Haha.


	2. Go meet Hitler

**Information**

High school

Gay. Fag.

WARNING CUSSING. (I personally think it makes a story absolutely hilarious if used in the right way.)

Other shizz.

80's slang, because it is just that cool.

I mean no offense whatsoever to Christians or any other religions.

* * *

><p><strong>Monday 12:00 pm <strong>

Choutaro was a very religious man, even if he was not Christian. He liked to think the 'story' that God created the whole world was in fact true, and that God had control over anything and everything. Even one man named Shishido Ryuu.

Choutaro respected his senior very much of course, but the amount of swearing coming out of the man's mouth daily was disappointing.

"Get the fuck out of my way hoser."

Ah, speak of the enemy of God.

"Shishido senpai, please don't swear." Choutaro sighed knowing fully well, he wasn't going to listen.

"I can do whatever fuck I want Choutaro." Shishido cursed as he broke a rubber band from stretching it over his hair too much.

After a look of disapproval from his junior Shishido shut up, grumbling something about tight pants, and walked over to the rest of the Hyoutei tennis club members.

"Yuushi! Get it out of me!"

"That's what she said." Shishido smirked.

"Fuck you." Gakuto swore glaring at the long haired boy.

"Not in a dick year."

"As much as we would all love to hear you two sex talk, I did call you all here for a reason." Atobe started.

"Wow, it must be serious Atobe didn't use a faggy name to introduce himself." The oh-so-lovable brunette spoke.

"As I was so kindly interrupted." Glaring at Shishido Atobe continued. "I was inviting you young thespians to my home for a private practice."

"I think I can safely say that all of us have family problems, school stuff and or are sick." Oshtari drawled. He really didn't want any afternoon listening to Atobe describing his oh so expensive extensive wig collection.

"I think Oshtari, for once in his life, has pretty much summed it up, so I'll be-"

He was cut off by the sound of a shrill ring tone going off.

_I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world._

"I am going to fucking kill my sister." He flipped his phone open and listened with a look of horror and disgust, except Shishido wasn't really that much of a facial expressions person so actually his face was a mix between constipation and being kicking in the nuts. After a short while he slammed the phone shut but not before shouting "Go to Hell skeezer!"

"Who was that Shishido-san?" Choutaro asked a tad miffed that he had just said the word which must not be spoken. Ever.

"Some emo hoser who wants someone named Sakura to spank him harder."

"Shishido-san please don't disrespect our lord by referring to that place which must never be spoken of."

"What? Emo?"

"No, the place where people who do bad things are sent to."

"School? Atobe's house? Gakuto's pants?"

"Har har, good one (!)" Gakuto replied sarcastically.

"The opposite of Heaven." Choutaro tried one more time.

"Oh, Hell."

Choutaro frowned.

"I'm going to pray for your sins Shishido-san so you won't meet someone like Hitler."

Shishido bent over.

Then he fell over and lay on the floor.

A high pitched coughing noise was heard.

"Is he dying? Please God tell me he's dying." Gakuto prayed.

Choutaro sweat dropped animatedly. "Muhaki-senpai! I think he's laughing, he's not exactly the jolliest person on earth."

"But you made him hack! Oh that is fucking A man!"

"Shut the fuck up, dickwad. God is bogus. Ok so maybe he's real, but all he ever does is zilch."

"Shishido-san!" Now Choutaro was fuming and stormed off.

"Shishido, that's going too far! Now chase after Otori like the gay fag you are." Gakuto snickered.

"When I get back I am going to kick your balls so hard, they'll jump straight back up inside your body." Shishido threatened before walking quickly after the younger but to his annoyance taller boy.

"You know, maybe he hates God so much because he thinks God made him short." Oshtari pondered.

"Still doesn't explain why he's a fag."

"Hey Choutaro wait up! Look I'm so… I was wro… ARGH I can't say it." Frustrated Shishido chocked.

"It really hurt, Shishido-san, especially since we are going out, that you don't respect my beliefs." Aw great Choutaro was making his puppy dog face. That thing should be illegal.

"You know I'm no good with the words. I don't care shi- ur… zz about that stuff. But I really care about you."Shishido blushed, slightly, that he was reminded of the relationship. "In fact here." He handed Choutaro a set of keys filled with embarrassing key chains that he had given him.

"Shishido-san, wow, thank you! This means you're ready for a serious relationship you know! Yay, we're growing up!" Choutaro's face was an epiphany of happiness and joy, like after a certain activity in Shishido's bedroom. Freeing his mind of any perverted thoughts of Choutaro and his damn tight pants he cursed.

"Thank you Shishido-san! So much!" He seemed to forget about the whole God thing. Which Shishido was very glad of.

"It's alright kid." Reaching up to pat Choutaro's abnormally tall head, he carried on. "Now I must go dump some zeek in a dumpster that was way too much soppy shit." In a quiet tone he muttered to himself.

**3:00pm **

"You're asking us if we have your key. Why?" Oshtari asked.

"Because I gave it to Choutaro. And not just any key, my ONLY key. I am now a very homeless man who is in a serious relationship."

"You didn't give us a copy." The red head stared at the long haired boy with a look of dumbness.

"Of course, why would I give you a key to my home?" Shishido made a 'dur' type look on his face. He then walked off muttering about gay fags who patronized him.

"Thank God, that guy has Choutaro." Oshtari smiled. "Otherwise he would be another dumb dweeb in this world."

* * *

><p>This was a pain in my arse. No joking.<p>

Some quotes are from Friends, some are extracts from fellow writers so I don't own anything. REVIEW. Because I am a review whore. I joke. Too much.

Seriously though I don't know how many people actually want to read my story so there is no point in continuing on a story if no one is reading it, is there?

Anyhow until someone pumps me with some ideas this will be a whole PoT and Friends (Or whatever seems funny, School of Rock) table tennis games, which means I will be incorporating Friends quotes and scenes into this. Which some of you may like. I'll shut up now.


	3. Fuji, NO!

This is mega taste the rainbow sad. I'm warning you. It's a tad faggy. Since there will be some pairings, still undetermined, anyways all encouragement aside. I hope you enjoy it.

**Information**

High school

OCC (A little.)

Gay. Fag.

Dream pair.

* * *

><p><strong>4:00 pm<strong>

"Fuji…" Eiji blinked.

Was that really Kai Yuujirou tied to a chair in the middle of the tennis courts?

"Fujiko? What did you do?" Eiji asked the smiling boy.

"It's payback. He was your opponent at the nationals wasn't he?" The genius of Seigaku giggled.

Fuji never giggles. Unless he's out to get yo- someone.

"But I won." The obvious had to be stated.

"So? This team has been hitting tennis balls at people. Isn't this a good enough reason to capture somebody?" It was quite uncanny the way that Fuji said it as if it was as simple as 2+2= well, you never know when Fuji is added to the sum.

Since Fuji = EVIL!

"Well..." Eiji started slowly. "It was his whole team, why didn't you choose someone like Kita? Or Tanishi Kei?" _At least he can stand Inui juice; it might help if you're up against the devi- ah Fuji. _

"It's harder to kidnap fat kids."

"…Fuji…" Eiji looked at his best friend sweat dropping animatedly. "You sound like if you have done it before, nya."

"Why you seem surprised Eiji." Fuji smiled warmly.

Eyebrows shot up as the acrobat player of the team, started in disbelief.

"I'm only pulling your tail." Giggling (AGAIN) the brunette spoke.

After a long pause of awkward silence Eiji decided to break it, being a very loud person.

"So Fuji… What are you planning to… um. Do to him?"

"Nothing much."

"Fujiko, please don't go to Hell, I hear it's a bad place from Oishi, they don't have any tennis there!" Eiji wailed, scared that his best friend would be dragged down to the fiery pits because of his terrifying actions.

"Eiji, if God is really watching us and judging us, the least I can do is to be entertaining." Fuji told the cat like person.

"Fuji…"  
>Said person, went over the unconscious being and took out a big fat marker.<p>

Eiji sighed and stood next to his friend and helped his friend 'prepare' Kai. Fuji wasn't someone you could argue with.

Hell, Fuji was someone you wouldn't dare to cross with.

**5:00 pm **

Kikumaru Eiji was someone who you could convince very easily to do something. Right or wrong, Fuji realized. It didn't matter, after all Fuji was dying to get into the red head's pants… Or at least underneath that killer shirt of his.

After an hour of working on the priceless dummy that was Kai Yuujirou, Fuji decided that revenge was a sweet as Eiji's lips. Thank the Devil, that long hair was so much fun to deal with.

"Fuji?"

"Yes Eiji?" Fuji smiled halfway through *censored*.

"How did you manage to kidnap him?"

"Ah, well… I was on my way to buy my sister a birthday present when I came across the Higa middle school tennis club. And I decided to take a peek, to see how our rivals are shaping up."

"Wait, how did you get as far as Okinawa?" Eiji interrupted the genius.

"They don't sell Marijuana here." Fuji said matter-of-factually.

"WHAT? MARIJUANA? THAT'S A TYPE OF DRUG!" Eiji was shocked. His best friend did drugs? Maybe it would explain his creepy desire to enjoy people suffering. Yes, it all made sense now.

"I'm joking!" Fuji started pointedly at the nice strip of skin that his friend was showing nicely from raising his arms up. "Let me carry on with my story."

Eiji nodded still flabbergasted at the thought of it.

"So there I was standing watching the hosers- I mean _players _train. It was really boring so I was hoping I could get a few pranks in while I was there. So I renamed all of their confidential work around, to fake names. Mixed around their underwear, I think I set fire to a couple of palm trees. Maybe."

The scary thing is, Eiji thought, that none of the stuff seemed false.

"So anyways, I was thinking how amazing it would be to have an actual pet here. I was going to pick Tanishi-kun, but he was too fat to fit in my Big Brown Bag."

"Let me get this straight, you stuffed Kai into your Big Brown Bag. An not Tanishi because he was too fat." Eiji looked at Fuji.

"People would have stared at me."

_No, Fuji, they wouldn't stare at a 17 year old boy 'kidnapping' somebody in a Big Brown Bag. _Eiji deadpanned in his head._  
><em>

"But he was protesting too much so I knocked him out. And then I brought him here, when I go here everyone was gone, except you."

"Let's carry on with what we were doing, nya." The red head nervously said. _Whilst I'm going to whack my head with a pineapple. Because I did not just hear any of that. _

"Yes, let's!" Fuji smiled brightly.

**7:00 pm**

Kai Yuujirou woke up. Feeling dazed. _Ouch_, he thought _my head hurts, wasn't I knocked out or something?_

Walking forward he found himself in Higa's tennis clubroom. Surrounded by his teammates.

"Oi, Kai. How are you feeling?" Hirakoba asked a smirk donned his features.

"Pretty shit. Why?"

"Oh nothing Kai-kun." Tanishi held a great guffaw in.

"What are you hosers laughing at?" Kai frowned. His teammates must be on crack or something; actually he had heard that a brown haired boy had been buying vast amounts of Marijuana around in these places.

"Here." Chinen gave him a mirror.

Someone had tied his hair in about a million tiny plaits complete with pink ribbons. And on his forehead were the words 'I have sex with dinosaurs. I don't care what society says it's the best sex of my life.' In big green Sharpie Markers. Said to write on anything, even CD's.

"WHAT? THAT'S NOT EVEN POSSIBLE! I WOULD HAVE TO HAVE A 6 FT LONG- OH SHUT UP." He thundered on.

Outside a duo (taking pictures) was giggling madly and plotting.

Eiji sighed, well, Fuji had giggled to start with.

* * *

><p>Didn't I say it was sad and faggy? You could classify this as crack. (Omfg I made a pun)<p>

I don't own some of the quotes used there (or any form of Sharpie Makrers, but those things aren't permanent you can get them off with nail polish remover. But yes, I got this idea from the quote **'Fat kids are harder to kidnap.' **

Please review with any funny quotes I could incorporate into this story of drabbles. You will receive full credit for it and I will generally write faster if I'm motivated. You could also suggest a pairing that I could use. I'm a tad biased *coughverycough* but I'll try my 2nd best. Because trying your best is for skeezers. I joke.

The story line (Thing I steal inspiration from) will change every chapter, I will give the most important information at the start.

Oh and one more thing please tell me if I have made any mistakes. I like good criticism and take it. Flames are funny to me and will actually probably be used as some kind of parody..._  
><em>


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